I’m Tired of Going to Sleep Thinking, “I’ll do better tomorrow”
I was on my phone too much again. Tomorrow I’m going to put it down and not look at it.
I can’t believe I ate like crap again. Healthy eating starts tomorrow!
Why do I always take my stress out on my husband? I was rude and it wasn’t his fault. I’ll tell him tomorrow how much I appreciate him.
How does she do it all? She is so fit and put together. I am going to make a schedule and routine and stick to it so I can be like that!
These are thoughts I have as I lay my head down at night.
Here’s all I did wrong. Ugh.
Tomorrow I’ll get it right.
But I won’t. Because I never do.
Not all of it at least.
I certainly have my areas that I could work on. A lot of them.
But... I’m learning that I really need to recognize whose voice is saying all these things.
The voice is shame.
And honestly, until I deal with shame, this voice will always have something to say.
There will always be somewhere I will lack.
I just don’t want to let shame win anymore.
I would never talk to someone else like I do myself. I would never beat them down like that.
I actually would give other people a lot of grace, because I know life is hard and a balanced life all the time is impossible.
So, wouldn’t I deserve that too?
I’m tired of going to sleep each night focusing on what I didn’t do right.
Friend, if you find yourself in the same boat as me, let’s try something different.
Let’s try being kinder to ourselves.
Because shame has never truly changed anyone for the good anyway.
We can continue to grow, but let’s grow because we love ourselves enough to.
Not because we are beating ourselves up.
Let’s go to bed at night thinking, I may not have gotten everything done that I wanted to, but I made it through today.
I connected with God today.
I told someone I loved them today.
I allowed myself to feel and be human today.
I was enough today, and I’ll be enough tomorrow.
No matter what I get done or how I do.
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog