Why am I the way I am?
I’ve asked myself this about 5 times today.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to shame or belittle myself. I actually like the girl in the mirror most of the time.
But man, sometimes she just misses the mark. Like really, really misses the mark.
(The mark being Christ-like.)
And I know it’s silly to even compare myself to my Savior, because there is no comparison. But He is the one I should try to emulate, right? I won’t get it perfect, but I should at least be trying to be like Him?
Sometimes, if I’m honest, I don’t even try. I let the human parts of me take over.
I know when it’s happening because it feels so yucky on the inside, yet sometimes I go along with it anyway.
And if I had to describe this part of me, I’d say it looks an awful lot like selfishness.
This human part of me, this human part of each of us, can just be really ugly sometimes.
The only good thing about it, is that it usually leads me back to the feet of Jesus for a conversation.
I recognize I’m not able to think my way out of the sinful part of me, so I must need more. I must need more than the logic in my mind to get out of it.
I must need His divine intervention. I need His heart-changing Truth.
Our conversations are usually short and to the point.
I say, “Lord, I need you.”
He replies with “I know you do.”
I remind him, “Lord I can’t do this on my own.”
He lovingly affirms me with, “I know you can’t.”
“How do I change God? How do I stop being like this?”
He’ll say something along the lines of, “You don’t do the changing. You don’t do the healing. I do.”
Sometimes that’s all I need. The reminder that I’m not Him. I’ll never be Him.
I remember that He has His job and I have mine.
His job is the healer, the transformer.
My job is go to Him. My job is to get to know His heart. My job is to allow Him to change my heart through relationship with Him.
The more we know Him and follow Him, the more likely we are to be like Him.
But HE has to be a part of the process. The biggest part, in fact.
We cannot make ourselves like Jesus without going to Him, so we must do that. Over and over again.
He knows we will all miss His mark of perfection, and He adores us anyways.
He also wants to partner with us through this life, so that we can have access to His goodness.
Because life REALLY is better with Him. Our hearts really are more in line with Him when we walk with Him.
So the next time you or I question why we are the way we are, we can remember that we were made in His image.
And that He made us to need Him.
If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Him.
And that’s why we are so blessed that He is perfect on our behalf.
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog