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I Don’t Care if My Kids aren’t “Cool”, I want Them to be Kind.

Updated: Feb 27, 2021

I think most parents would admit that when they envision their child‘s future, they hope their kid is well-liked.

Who wouldn’t want their kid to have good friends, be well known, and not have to worry about them being excluded or uninvited?

Who wouldn’t want to not have to worry about mending their child’s heart from feelings of inadequacy or loneliness?

When I had my son, I always wondered if he would be “cool” when he was older.

I know that sounds shallow.

I also know that I’d think he’s cool even if his peers disagreed.

But really, as parents, we can’t help but wonder what the future will be like for our kiddos.

And as sad as it is, being a “cool kid” can make life a little easier for our child.


I have the privilege of working with young people as their therapist, and lately I’ve been so struck by how cruel kids and teenagers can be.

I mean, I know that’s always been the case, but it seems even worse and more prevalent now than when I was younger.

It has started to shift my perspective of my kids.

Maybe “cool” isn’t what I want for them... at all.

I genuinely hope and pray that my kids will see those who are left out and invite them to sit with them. That no one in their presence will feel alone because my kid makes sure they know someone sees them.

I hope they’ll not only avoid taking part in gossip and bullying but will stand up for the kids being made fun of.

I hope they’ll know they aren’t actually better than anyone else, even if they are treated as so.

And if they are treated less than, I hope they’ll know no one gets to make the call on their worth.

I hope they’ll speak life into those who are hurting, and be a source of comfort.

What it comes down to is this: I want my kids to be kind humans.

More than anything else, kind.

I think most parents want this, too.

But what we have to remember is that it starts with us.

It starts with us doing these same things.

They watch everything we do. They learn from us.

We can’t expect them to just know how to be kind if it’s not modeled to them

We need to show them what being ridiculously kind looks like.

We need to show them we choose kindness even when someone doesn’t deserve it.

Our kids will pick up on what we value most.

So let’s value kind over cool.

Because honestly, cool on its own doesn’t do a whole lot for God’s Kingdom.

Kindness certainly does.

~Unraveling Motherhood with Kelli Bachara

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