I found myself laying my head on my pillow, with my hand over my face, cringing.
I wish I could say it was the first time I felt this way and the first time I’ve asked myself these questions.
Why am I like this? Why am I so crazy? Why do I let little things get to me so deeply?
I think these thoughts were triggered by a very unnecessary argument I started with my husband.
But let’s face it, I’ve felt this way after many other incidents, too.
Do you ever feel this way?
Like you are too much? Or never enough? Or somehow both simultaneously?
I’m too sensitive.
I’m too emotional.
I’m too worried.
I’m too quick to anger.
I’m too selfish.
I’m not organized enough.
I’m not kind enough.
I’m not spiritual enough.
I’m not patient enough.
I’m not good enough.
I find that when I lay my head down at night, I often think about what I could have done better, and how I could have been better.
Honestly, that isn’t the best way to end a day.
I don’t believe in sugar coating things and convincing myself “don’t worry, you are perfect the way you are.”
I’m not perfect, I’m so far from perfect. And I’m all about self-growth where it can be applied.
But I’ve also been trying to focus on a bit more is this concept of grace.
The idea that God’s grace is sufficient for me, and in my weakness His power shines through.
Meaning, it’s actually in my weakness that I can see and experience God’s grace most.
That’s pretty amazing.
And I don’t believe that is a cop out to act however I want. Instead, I think it just goes to show the kindness of my Savior.
He understands why things impact me the way they do. He knows every thought I have. He knows every life experience I’ve had.
He understands my heart better than I ever will.
He doesn’t just love the “good” parts of us and shame us for the rest.
Sure, He calls us to live a better life with Him, but He knows we will fail at times.
And He knew we would need His grace, big time.
It’s okay to accept this grace.
It’s okay to grab ahold of it when we mess up and fall down.
That’s the whole reason He extends it to us.
Just remember this next time you find yourself feeling like you are “too much” or “not enough”.
Look at the situation and instead of beating yourself up, be in awe that God’s grace is right there to meet you.
All you have to do is accept it!
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog