Updated: Nov 19, 2020
Today is one of those days, guys.
I am just grumpy, angry and short-fused.
I’m not fun to be around and honestly, I’d like a break from myself, too.
My emotions feel like they are taking over me and jumping out of me without my consent.
I hate it. Hate it.
I’ve been thinking about how pointless everything I’m doing is. Why do I try?
I feel like everything is going wrong.
I feel like this world is going downhill quick and I don’t feel hopeful at all.
I feel a lot of negative things right now.
Yet, I’m aware of the still quiet voice in the back of my head saying, “you know that isn’t true.”
I do know.
I know God is in control. I know He’s sovereign.
I know this.
Yet, right now, these wild emotions feel bigger and truer than my faith in God.
And that breaks my heart.
I know how fleeting these emotions are. I know I won’t always feel like this.
It makes me sad that I can’t just remain steadfast in the truth all the time.
I hate that I fall into fear and anger rather than standing in faith.
I feel like it’s a slap in the face to God every time I let my human feelings consume me more than Him.
So I take a deep breath, let myself feel what I do, and then I listen.
Today I hear God reminding me that there is a reason He gives us so much grace.
Because we need it.
Because our emotions are so hard to manage and we aren’t going to do it perfectly.
But He is bigger than our feelings.
He isn’t scared or threatened by them.
And so friend, I felt the need to share this with you in case you needed to hear it too:
Grace is available.
And it doesn’t run out.
Your emotions won’t last forever. No matter how big they feel.
He’ll always be your Savior.
And He’ll always have grace for His precious child.
So I’m going to go breathe and sit in the gift of grace that I certainly don’t deserve.
I hope you’ll do the same.
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling