The Quiet Cry of a Mama’s Heart
Once the flood gates open, there is no going back.
I always try to keep the flood a secret.
I cry in a bedroom, in the shower or just away from people.
Because if I explain to someone why I’m crying so much over my kids, they won’t get it.
My kids are right here, with me.
They are safe, they are happy and healthy,
Why would I cry?
This thing happens every once in awhile, though.
Usually when I’m leaving them, or watching them play or fall asleep.
Where I’m literally flooded with the most intense love as well as the most intense ache I’ve ever felt in my life.
So much love and so much grief.
Because my kids keep changing and I keep missing my chance to get closure on the stage they were just in.
And boom, it’s gone. It’s done.
We aren’t going back there.
Right when I think we are settling in, they change.
It all happens so quick and it hurts.
I know I can’t possibly soak up everything I want to.
And I just love them so much.
So I cry.
But not just sad tears.
In fact, I usually cry tears of sheer gratitude that I get to be their mom.
Tears of love and thankfulness that God chose me for the best little humans I’ve ever known.
I cry because there is too much love in me to possibly keep it all in.
It’s painful and it’s sacred.
It’s all us mamas can do to keep coping with our ever-changing babies.
It’s the quiet cry of a mama’s heart.
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog