Sometimes the winter months trigger memories of dark times in my life.
I think it’s the cold (which is inevitable in Minnesota). But I have bad memories of feeling so incredibly cold. Like cold to the bone.
Mostly because I was very anorexic, very underweight, and very not-okay.
One particular memory popped into my head today that left me both sad and grateful.
I had gone to the doctors, which I was doing often at this time, and I saw the concern in her eyes when she listen to my heart. She explained that my heart rate had dropped immensely. She told me i needed to gain weight and stop working out like I was. She basically told me if i didn’t, it could kill me.
That same day I drove to the gym after school and ran six miles- fast and hard.
I didn’t listen to what the doctor said. I didn’t value my life like I should have.
After struggling for some time, I also stopped menstruating and that same doctor told me I was destroying my body and it might prevent me from ever being able to have kids.
I didn’t care. I didn’t think I would get better.
It’s weird thinking about this time in my life. It doesn’t even feel like it’s mine.
Yet, here I am today, thinking about these memories as I hold my three little babies.
As they lay on my healthy body.
My body that is much bigger, squishier, stronger, and more appreciated.
Here I am today with a sense of purpose and a love for life and helping others.
I am sharing this because I know right this moment, there are people who are in their darkest days.
People who struggle with mental health issues, and people who are even contemplating whether or not to keep living.
I want you to know that what you feel right now isn’t your forever.
I also want to promise you that it can get better.
In fact, it can get WAY better than you can even imagine.
And I know God is not done with your story, so please friend..
Don’t give up.
I won’t give you “three steps to getting your life back”.
I’ll give you just one.
Keep seeking God.
Looking back on my life, it shifted when I made the decision to follow Jesus even if my life didn’t get “better”.
I decided that even if things remained hard, life would at least be hard WITH Jesus.
Things began to change. Not quickly, but transformation happened.
I credit it to Jesus. And the fact that I was finally surrendering it all to Him.
It might sound cliche, but it’s not.
He is the answer.
Jesus is the answer.
(And good support, and professional help if needed.)
I know it’s hard to believe, and you might think your story won’t be like mine.
You’re right, we won’t have the same exact story.
But God absolutely has more in store for you than what you can see right now.
Our view is so limited.
But if you can hang on to a little faith and fight for it..
I know you’ll be thankful you did.
Ephesians 3:20- “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”
~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog