• Kelli Bachara

To the Person Who is Stuck in the Past


Hello friend,


Here we are in 2020, but your brain and heart may be out wandering elsewhere.

You do your daily life duties, but all the while you are still reliving things that happened in the past.


Sometimes it’s like living in two separate worlds.


There are so many things that can make us feel stuck in the past.


You could be stuck in the trauma you experienced, or trapped in the anger and resentment you feel towards someone who wronged you.


You could feel stuck in regret for the decisions you made, and living with your co-driver, shame.


You could be stuck in the past because the heartbreak you endured from a death, divorce or breakup.


Regardless, this is where you are at.


You are here, but not really.


Others may not even notice that you haven’t “moved on”. Maybe it’s a silent battle in your head that you go through alone, and act as though it doesn’t affect you.


Or maybe it’s so blatantly obvious to those around you, they know you are stuck and consumed by the past.


You try to forget it. You try to ignore the feelings that are still way stronger than you think they should be.


You still see the reminders everywhere. You can’t listen to that music, drive down that road, or hear that name, because it still hurts.


Some days you do feel better though, like you really are moving on. Maybe this even lasts for weeks.


Then a day comes and for some reason, you are smacked in the face with the guilt, the grief, the sadness or the questions.


You know, very well, that living in the past is affecting your ability to find joy in the present.


And it’s also making it difficult to get excited for the future.


I want you to know something.


It’s okay to STILL not be okay with what happened. No one gets to tell you when you should be over it.


And honestly, there are some things that will happen in our life that we’ll never fully get over or forget.


It’s okay not to like what happened, it’s even okay to hate what happened.


I also want you to know that you can dislike what happened and still move forward.


It’s possible to really wish your past wasn’t what it was, yet move forward, away from it.


You can do both.


But the moving forward part is a choice.


And sometimes it feels excruciating.


Sometimes it hurts so bad to decide to move forward because it means accepting your past...


And accepting it means that it really happened.


But I still hope you choose to move forward anyway.

Choose to get the help you need.

Choose to work through your past, not dwell in it.

Choose forgiveness of someone who hurt you or forgive yourself.

Choose to make the most of this short life you have.


I hope you choose to believe that your past absolutely does not define you nor does it determine where your life can go from here.


Your feelings of the past are real and valid, and so is the possibility of a better future.


This isn’t it for you.


This isn’t all your life will be. How you’re feeling right now is not how you need to feel forever.


Your purpose is not to live in the past, and there is more for you than the aching you’ve been feeling.


It’s a process, but this isn’t it for you.


So if you haven’t yet, give yourself permission to choose moving forward.


And then go do what you need to do just that.


This is your choice. I pray you choose the present and future over the past.


With Love,


A friendly hand to help pull you out of the “stuck”


~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog

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